I had a completely different post in mind for this week. Then I received a message from a woman, which sparked an all-new topic! For all you ladies who are out and about on the dating circuit- the idea of explaining to a handsome prospect that you aren't exactly what you seem to be, might seem a little frightening. I will tell you, what I am certain your loved ones have also told you- if he doesn't accept you just as you are, then he isn't worth your time.
In the meantime, that belief won't calm your nerves for when the time comes to have that conversation with him.
I must be upfront, and share that I met my fiancé, Kevin, over five years ago before I ever began wearing wigs. Thankfully, he accepted me as I was, and the only conversation I fully thought through was how to tell him I had decided to get a wig after all these years.
To begin, make your first decision- whether to go on your first date with or without the wig. There are upsides to both options. The benefit of going on a first date without the wig is that you essentially "bite the bullet" and get any awkwardness out of the way immediately. Then, before you know it, your hair loss is an afterthought. The upside to wearing your wig on the first date is allowing yourself the opportunity to determine if you like him enough to see him again and share something personal about yourself. I completely understand that this will be the most difficult decision of all and depends upon other circumstances such as how you appeared when you first met, where you are going on your date, your own comfort level and so on.
If you decide to go on your first date without your wig, then go into the day/night with the best attitude and confidence that you have within you! This is a side of you he will be seeing quite a bit if there is any future for your relationship! If he doesn’t bring it up first, then take the initiative to lay it all on the table at the very beginning. That way you aren't worried about it the whole time!
If you opt to wear your hair on your first date, then you will want to decide what timing is right for you to open up with him. Let's be honest, there are far worse things to keep from someone when you first meet them, but there will be no future for you two, if you keep a part of who you are as a secret. Promise yourself that you won't wait too long to open up with him. There is no magic formula, but I suggest that you tell him before you make any commitments to each other, spend a full night together, or maybe by the second date!
The conversation does not have to be awkward or uncomfortable by any means. But, you don't want to wait for the "right moment" because it may never come. Let some time pass where you are conversing and/or catching up with each other. Then make a note that you have something you'd like to share with him and you hope it will allow him to get to know you a little better. Explain that you have Alopecia, Breast Cancer, whatever the case may be, and that you have lost your hair. If you have Alopecia, you will want to explain that it is an autoimmune condition that causes your hair to fall out. It is not contagious, nor is it terminal. There are no other side effects, and you are otherwise healthy. You could then explain your own journey with Alopecia..."I first lost my hair when I was eleven, but the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. So then less than a year later, I was finally in a dermatologist's office learning about Alopecia and what my options were." If you are going through chemotherapy, then share whatever you are comfortable telling him- when you first found out, how your treatments are going, and so on.
It should be noted that there are wigs that can be bonded to your head if you have total hair loss, so for some- this decision may be irrelevant if that is the path you choose.
My suggestion would be to remain as open and as confident as possible. Know that if he has lots of questions, that is a great sign! It means he is genuinely interested. And if he doesn't ask any questions, consider that he may be trying to let everything soak in. Trust your instincts to interpret his reaction. After it is done, you will feel like a weight has been lifted of your chest, and you can let him really get to know you- the real you! No, your hair loss should not define you. But, it is a part of who you are- and when building a relationship, the only way for it to succeed is to be open and honest with the other person. Remember, no one is perfect, and I am certain there is something about your man that makes him different, too! You just may not know it yet.
Have a great week everyone! Be sure to psot your comments or questions of the Facebook Group "Kayla's Corner for Women and Children with Hair Loss" and follow me on Twitter for other updates www.twitter.com/missdelaware10
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