This one is for the mother's

Hello friends!


I have been moved to, yet again, veer away from the planned topics after receiving a new message this weekend. A mother of the most adorable little girl sent me a message which conclusively brought me to tears. Knowing that I have become a woman that a mother would love for her daughter to look up to, truly warms my heart. Ultimately, her message proposed a question, asking for advice on what she can do as the mother of a girl with Alopecia.


Instantly, I thought of calling my mother- which I still do about ten times a day. But, instead I decided to respond from my heart and reflect on my mother's role in the outcome of my journey thus far with hair loss.


As a child, my mother and I would have weekly mother-daughter-date-nights on Sunday evening. Sunday mornings we would go to church as a family, visit my great-grandmother in the afternoon (after she passed we had Nutcracker practice or 4-H meetings, depending on the season) and then we would drop my dad off at home and go have a weekly girls night. We would go to dinner and talk about whatever was going on, and then go see a chick-flick that night. Even during my strange phases as an early teenager, when I drove my mother crazy, and swore she was driving me equally as crazy- we still made this a weekly occurrence.


In sixth grade, when I was first losing my hair, my mother took an approach which shaped the woman I have become. She decided to take me to every doctor she could find, stay up until 5am reading articles about Alopecia and even went out and purchased me the best wig she could find in our area. But, she never made me do or wear anything; she was never forceful. She allowed me (my confidence, my comfort level) to be her guide, and although I was young, she supported whatever I decided.


At first, my mother wanted to come into my classroom and explain Alopecia Areata to my peers. She wanted to be sure that I wasn't being teased at school and felt that if my classmates understood my condition, they would be less likely to make fun of me. When she spoke to me about doing this, I asked her not to see it through. I told her I would feel more comfortable explaining it to my classmates on my own, than having my parents come in to do it for me. She supported my decision even though I'm sure it wasn't easy for her, and trusted that if it didn't go the way I planned it, we could always take another approach later.


Then, I gave a presentation to my class as a part of a science project. We were asked to research a disorder and give a presentation about it. So, I gave my presentation on Alopecia calling it, "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow." My classmates were all so supportive, and even though I am sure some kids may have said things under their breath, I never felt ostracized.


Time passed and even though my mom purchased wigs for me to try on, she let me just be me! I tried them on and never felt comfortable. So, we threw them in the bottomless pit I called my closet, and went on with our lives!


When I school-choiced/transferred to a new school district for high school, my mother asked, once again, if I wanted to try wearing a wig. I told her that I was worried people would know it was a wig, or God-forbid, it fall off in class... So she supported my decision and I went throughout high school just as I was at the time.


As I grew older and began my journey toward fulfilling my dream of becoming Miss Delaware, I hit a road block. I competed three years in the Miss Delaware Pageant without wearing a wig with some success, always placing as a finalist. But on my third try, a judge approached me after the coronation of one of my dearest friends, to share with me why he felt I didn't win. Ultimately he told me that if I wanted to become Miss Delaware, I should strongly consider wearing a wig. He introduced many valid points in the few moments we spoke- not the least of which was that I could not literally wear the crown on my head without any hair to pin it to.


Naturally, my mother wanted to (insert not-so-kind verb here) him. She was not happy that he had the audacity to make me feel as if I wasn't beautiful just as I am.


I'll admit, I was beyond hurt and offended, and I became a lesser version of myself that summer after the pageant. I made some big, life-changing decisions after that night and was unsure of what to do. I spoke in great deal to my then-boyfriend/current-fiance', my best friends and of course, my parents. Everyone shared the same thing- that they would support me no matter what I decided- whether I wanted to compete again without hair, with a wig, or not compete at all. I prayed about it, slept on it, flipped a couple coins and asked for (way) too much advice!


I let my parents know that I first wanted to try series of cortisone injections that year to hopefully stimulate hair growth. But, the pain was too much for me to bear. My mother and Kevin were by my side at all times, letting me know that if I wanted to run out of the appointment, they would ready the getaway car!


After a very serious conversation with my former Miss Delaware roommate, fond friend, and pageant mentor, Laura Mattey about how I was feeling, she asked me how I would feel about just going to meet with her hair stylist, Mario Rispoli and just try on one wig. She promised me lunch and assured me that she would be by my side the entire time, and that I would never feel pressured to make any decision or purchase that day. I conceded easily and off we went to Salon Rispoli.


My mother could have told me not to go. She could have repeated over and over that I was gorgeous just as I am. But she knew that I already thought I was beautiful. But, I wanted to consider a change. And she trusted me.
The moment I met Mario, I knew I was in good hands. He made me, and my family, feel completely comfortable without any pressure! I asked my mom what she thought, and for a woman whom normally has quite a strong opinion- she just reassured me that it was my decision. She told me to pray about it, think about it, whatever I needed to do- but that it was my decision. We went through the pros and cons- made a couple lists on napkins- you understand. :)


Ultimately, I did decide to wear a wig. I had no idea how we were going to afford it, but with the love and support of family and friends, we made it happen! It was quite a communal effort! And my mother was so thrilled to be a part of the process.


The moral to my story is that, I don't think there is any secret to raising a successful/happy/healthy child. And when life throws you curve balls, like hair loss, you just have to roll with the punches! But, whatever my mom did was perfect for me. She never allowed me to second guess myself, or think I wasn't beautiful. That just wasn't allowed. She was constantly by my side to support me and love me. She let me be the leader when it came to my hair loss, allowing me to be her guide with how to move forward. She kept me active in countless activities at all times, so as to always nurture the things I was good at and enjoyed- even if I was just no good at growing hair! :) Who has time to worry about hair when you are busy with 4-H meetings, ballet/tap/jazz rehearsals, flute lessons, Odyssey of the Mind, and lots of volunteering?


If your child is losing his or her hair, I hope you have taken the time to sit down and have a real conversation about it with them. See how it is affecting them. If they don't want you to come into their classroom, then I suggest finding another way to educate their peers on the condition. If they don't want to go to school without their wig, then support them. If, after ten years of losing their hair, they decide they want to wear a wig- trust in them, and support them. Just be sure they know all of their options, and fully understand their condition- whether it is cancer, Alopecia Universalis, etc. They deserve your honesty, just as much as you deserve theirs. And continue to love them with your whole heart, as my mom has with me- but you already know that! Remember, their way of dealing with it, may not be the same approach you would take- but as long as they find happiness in their own way, I say, accept it!

Please feel free to share or leave comments or stories of your experiences! We are all here to support each other, because we can all go through this together!


P.S. I love you, Mom! :)